I love rainy season which is one reason I have not complained bitterly about how this nasty bout of daily rain has ruined my plans, style and made me lose extra pounds. Rain is a pleasant occurrence only if you are in your bedroom snuggled within the duvet kingdom, relating with your pillow and imagining it to be a member of the opposite sex.
If you are unfortunately headed to work or some other place Lagosians like to fill up the roads for on a rainy day, I hope you understand that you are damned! The traffic becomes unbearable and the price of transportation doubles. Of course with the scarcity of Danfos and the multitudes piling up at the bus stops, pushing and dragging is the only way to get a comfortable seat in any available Danfo.
What a day, I said to myself. I managed to get into a bus finally for double the price to my destination and not just any seat, the most coveted seat in a Danfo!
As I settled in still savouring the taste of my victory, I remembered the steaming nylon of Puff-Puff I had purchased on my way to the bus stop. Life seemed so perfect! My utopic moment was however cut short by an image that clouded my eyesight. I turned and saw him hanging by my side of the door.
He was too nicely dressed to be one of these hooligans that parade Iyana-Ipaja and enough for me not yell at. Just because I found him responsibly looking did not mean I was going to share my rare smile so I maintained my straight face whilst chewing my Puff-Puff ever so sexily.
Like you already deduced, Mr Man wanted to rap about how much my beauty blinded him. In his twisted mind, the brother was actually chyking me. All I noticed was his struggling corrupted accent (a blend of Igbo and one of these confused American/British accent). Just when I thought I could no longer stand his jibber-jabber, the bus driver jumped in and the engine roared to life! As a sharp guy, my Nwanna quickly pulled out his designerless wallet and dragged out a complimentary card. He made me promise to give him a call but immediately he turned, I squeezed the crap and threw it out the window, feeling sorry for Lagos state roadside cleaners.
Fast forward to today and I am at the bus stop where I met the annoying gentleman. I kid you not when I say that I had not stood for ten minutes before someone whistled in that disgusting Igbotic manner. "Fine baby, wosupu" he said and I turned ready to give him my Karashika certified glare but what or who I saw dried every venom from my face and mouth.
Uncle was standing all so impeccably dressed but this time with some shabbily dressed men, obviously transport company salesmen. It took some time for me to hear what he was saying to me and when I finally did, I nearly toppled over with laughter." Sister, na Sapele you dey go or Warri, Port Harcourt"?
Thankfully, my Danfo ride came so I gave him one last stare but with a huge grin and said " Nna ahia oma !"
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