I am not a Feminist!

       A wise human once said and I quote "it's all about perspective" ! In other words, there is no difference between rice/stew and jollof rice . I mean whether the stew and rice is mixed in a plate or while on fire ,is a matter of preference . Same as feminism and male chauvinism, all a matter of perspective.  

    The first paragraph you just took your precious time to read was mamazeus being utterly unbiased. Of course you all should know by now that she is definitely not the liberal type.

    Am I a feminist? I'd let you be the judge of that at the end of my ramble. I do know that I have core values, standards that my existence revolves around. Please who doesn't ? 

    Although I have been called a feminist countless times, I do not quite accept that title. This is because I have taken time to study the so called feminists and I have come to the conclusion that some of their  idealisms are founded mostly on base less claims. I mean , what's the use of fighting for what was never a problem ? The strength they claim to have lost lies helplessly within us (females). Just because some kinds of women allow themselves to be bullied and subjugated does not mean all women should carry placards yelling foul.  Like I said, I can manage some of their arguments but definitely not the extension of feminism - Womanism. I cannot think of any other suitable description than what Sigmund Freud  describes as Phallus Envy. 

   It is quite unfortunate that womanists yearn to wind the Phallus when the owners live everyday to acquire as many Honeywells as possible. Do not get me wrong guys, I have not come to support the men. This is definitely not about phallocentrism. We must get our issues straight in order to find a resounding solution.

      So if I do not project male domination, what then is my message?  Before that, I have some questions. 

      Are women lesser creatures than men? Do you think that our society, our religion prizes machismo? Are there specific roles assigned to women and not to men ( asides natural roles like reproduction) ? If there are, what are the bases for role delegation?  

    I have asked these questions countless times. The answers were either down right offensive or at best not satisfactory. So, I have decided to give myself befitting answers. Hence the birth of what I have termed Female Egoism .

       Defining Female Egoism  would mean to explore how I have chosen to see my life ( by chance you hear me involved in a heated argument  about my rights as a woman, just know I'm definitely not a feminist but a female egoist ).

 Female Egoism bothers on the notion that superiority does not lie with the male folk like the society claims. There are no roles placed for men and women. There are no border lines. It's not about what a man can do and what a woman cannot do. It is about clarifying that before the sex, there is an individual complete with the ability to function just as other individuals. Female Egoism is a refusal to accept that being female denies an individual the ability to excel at a particular role because it is dominated by a particular sex. It is accepting feminity not as a tool to recline back stage but to continually be at the front line.  

  In truth, the society, especially the African society is biased. It is largely believed that men are of more value. Hence the  belief that a woman should be successful but not too successful, be outspoken but not too loud, must  behave in a certain manner if she must win the heart of a prince charming. The highest achievement of every woman according to society is to be married with children. If a woman acquires the world without acquiring a husband, she becomes an outcast and the topic of countless criticisms. I must say that I do not agree with this Africanized school of thought. I can be whatever I choose to be with or without a man. A relationship should be based on companionship and not one party subjecting the other. It must be a win-win situation where anything less is definitely not my game.

   I got into an argument with my mother on the high rate of divorce. For her, the devil and end time is the catalyst of the increasing rate of divorce.  For me, pretence is. Allow me paint a picture.

    Lady A meets Mr B at let's say a car park. Lady A has a good job, drives a good car, owns a sizable amount of landed properties. Mr B on the other hand is  comfortable by an average standard. They hit it on the right notes and kick off a relationship. All through the months of courtship, Lady A does Mr B's laundry, accepts his every word, and hides some of her properties from Mr B because she does not intend to scare him off . After marriage, Lady A can no longer pretend to be perfect patty. She unleashes her dragon, he soon discovers her properties and begins to feel emasculated. Of course back that up with trust issues. Ask about the marriage in a few years, dead!

    Now imagine that lady A had been more honest about herself.  My point is most of the time, these marriages that crash were originally based on lies.  One might argue that it would have taken Lady A  longer to settle down( this phrase to me is wrong as It implies that a single woman is not settled. Please oh, I prefer "married" )  with all her wealth which brings me to my next question : is marriage really compulsory? 

   For me, it is not and I dare say we are getting married for the wrong reasons. Some lady once told me she wanted to get married before she turned twenty five. When I asked why, she said she didn't want to be a spinster for too long. I'm sorry to say but that's just a wrap of nicely arranged crap! 

   Getting married should be because you have found someone you believe you can achieve your dreams with. To me, the whole union is a team. Team members play together to achieve the same goal. Whatever your dreams are, your partner should help you achieve them. You also must be able to help your partner achieve theirs. 

  Marriage is not about one sex subjugating the other, objectifying the other or employing the other to do house chores or pay bills. So if you, my lady, intend to get married someday because you can't stand being what my aunt calls MS ( miserable spinster) , then be rest assured that your marriage would be hanging on loose ropes! Dear brothers, if you are looking for the church girls to employ as wives then take it from me, you are absolutely disillusioned. 

  Finally, in the  words of Prince Ihemegbulam " a man says I am a man when he wants to ride you, a woman says I am a woman to beg for consideration " Female Egoism responds to this by insisting that humanity stands before feminity or masculinity. 

 Again you ask, am I a feminist? You tell me.