I can't remember the last time I ate a balanced diet or exercised for even five minutes ( yes, I don't dance either) . Remember that time I was excited about sit ups? Well, just as I tried to get my bearing, I heard a voice screaming from the wilderness “Do not hurt yourself”! You see, I don’t take prophecies with a pinch of salt so I am completely staying away forever . It's not like I'd stay away completely oh, I still follow Kate Henshaw; her instagram clips on exercise sessions is just enough to keep my blood bumping!
You know our heavenly father is mysterious in his ways. Very fortunately for me, He led me to a new discovery; a way to lose weight, not spend a dime, eat all the bread I can find and still earn a complete salary! Yea, you heard right, no longer do I have to save up money to buy slim tea, flat tummy tea, perfect size tea and blah bluh blah…
Let it not be heard or said that mama Zeus lied,above is a picture of me before my weight loss and of course my after.
I know by now, you are eager to know my secret. I’ll tell you but before that I must warn you that this is about the craziest thing you have ever heard but it works wonders especially if you have lazy fat like me.
My routine usually kicks off at 4:20am , Mondays through to Fridays ( forget Saturdays, anyone who exercises on Saturday either wants to catch a boo or flaunt his/her Nikes).
Ehen, I wake up 4:30am, shower, dress up and take about four buses to my place of work. Since I leave the house so early, one would expect that I'd be at work by six.
Story for Amadioha and Alugbagha ( in other words, gods)! The traffic in lagos is right there to make my effort futile. Looking on the brighter side, this "evil" traffic is the secret behind my weight loss !
Yes oh, two to three hours every morning and four to five hours every evening works faster than two hours of jogging and jostling my milk factories!
Asides the weight loss, Lagos traffic is a perfect body builder. I mean what again can help you flatten that arse that won't fit into your skirts or bend that embarrassing giraffe neck that's gotten you a number of sarcastic compliments? Not forgetting also how traffic can help you upgrade simple virtues as patience, anger management and keeping your mouth shut.
Honestly guys, traffic is a life saver. If you have a car that you drive around in traffic and you are plus size then you are a serious joker. You can't lose that weight. Take the plunge, dump your car and take a Danfo!
I await your testimony as I chill with my chilled Pepsi and hot,soft puff-puff!
Yours sincerely Doc. Mamazeus
very direct and straight to the point .
ReplyDeleteIll recommend .
Very hilarious. What of peeps that stay outside lagos,probably in a very quiet town but want to adopt your routine. since we don't have Danfo here are we doomed?
ReplyDeleteSo in essence, the danfo life is the hot life, cos I would so date d lady on the right before the lady on the left. :)
ReplyDelete