CHRONICLES OF A CLUELESS NIGERIAN : OPERATION CATCH A BOO!

  I understand I joke too much but what else can we do to survive these times of back breaking hardships? We have decided to accept our fate, fast (even if it is not our intention) and pray that God reduces the temperature of the sun, clears our heat rashes and of course rid us of hard-hearted leaders.

  Looking on the brighter side, my padi of life opened my eyes to some sleek skills for catching me a boo finally!

  Did you know that this fuel crisis has become a blessing in disguise? People are beginning to make connections like never before. From business deals to broken heads, nudists sessions and even forever after deals. Everything has become possible in our queues! The cute guys and chicks you normally wouldn't see except on Instagram are seated humbly in the queues simply waiting for you to smile innocently or cry your way to ten litres as a babe or  as a sharp guy,  get a long peek at the finest girls on Instagram without that sorcery we call makeup! This is tested and trusted oh. My friend caught a boo just yesterday. Let me tell you how.

  So her wizard of a boss ordered her to go to one of the queues in Falomo for 30 litres of fuel. Armed with a Mercedes E350 4matic and three 25 litre gallons, my friend set out grudgingly to one of the popular hells in Falomo.

  Four hours later, she was still nowhere close to our elusive diamonds and her temper was fast getting past boiling point not to even talk about her grumbling stomach.

  Whilst in her penury, her eyes caught a ray of sunlight. A very popular actor with all his out of screen glory was reclining jejely on the car right before "hers". Of course he didn't have the perfection of the screens but he sure had that perfectly toned muscles, dark skin and to make it all beautiful, he was glazed with honey-like, delicious sweat! You know him oh but since we are protecting his identity, I will hide his name. Keep guessing!

  Long and short of the gist is, my friend took the bold stop, touched up her makeup, made quick checks for bad breath and slowly stepped down feeling like a car owner.

  The super model cum actor was of course mesmerised by her Maami Water moves so when she said hello, they kicked off a conversation that lasted so long, they didn't notice the queue had dissipated! The queue that lasted from 9.00am till 4.00 pm ended with double portion!

  See I can't be the only single girl in the block so from now, I'm changing my strategy! First I need to get that book:  The Art of Seduction, then I'd have to stop walking like a cast off trailer and stop looking so stern.

  Also, since I don’t have a car, I need to start being extremely nice to my boss. Hopefully, he might be nice enough to ask me go get him some fuel.

  If that does not work, then plan B activated; I need a new job! Please who knows how I can apply for the post of a filling station attendant? That way if they won't see my smile, they will be forced to respect my staff of authority; my pump!

Credit: Lol! Do not mistake me for a booless sister. Many thanks to Promise Amahah for inspiring this post and lecturing me on what he calls “Creative Manipulation of our Negative Reality”.