LET'S RUB MINDS: Shattered Dreams

"it's important to pray about the person you are interested in. God might reveal something to you that might save you from a heartbreak "
                                                                                                 -thegodlycouple

  I am writing this because I feel it's high time I shared this story with other people. Secondly, we have heard so much from the female folks, but hardly any stories from the guys. Thirdly, I was prompted by someone I admire and respect, Mama Zeus. Ok, enough of the preamble, let’s go straight on to the crux of the matter… This is my story!
   Though I have been in few relationships in my short life, I have had my own fair share of heartbreaks but I will be talking about just one of them today; the one that really shattered me!
   I don’t think I was a late bloomer, but I had zero sexual experiences at 25. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a recluse. I was an extroverted extrovert, I had fun, went clubbing, travelled, attended social events, was always at the beach. I knew every karaoke joint in town,and every bar in popular demand. Due to my upbringing( being a minister’s son), I stayed true to some lofty ideals of the Christian religion: no drinking, no smoking, no sex before marriage. I’m not saying I’m a saint, but I do my best to keep the commandments. Let’s fast forward to my third year in the University of Lagos, the genesis and Jane, the nemesis.
   We actually met on Facebook (I still regret the day I clicked on that friend request button), but I later found out we were in the same faculty, same department, though she was in Year two while I was in Year three at the time .
  Fusing together was like fish to water, our relationship was bliss. We were so connected; she could understand me without even saying a word. She was all I ever wanted, she met all my specifications; she was moderately endowed with the right curves in the right places, 34-28-36! She was beautiful, she was smart, she was hard-working, she loved God, she was neat, she was tidy and her dress sense was impeccable.
   Let me borrow some of the words of the Legendary 2Face from the timeless song, African Queen and say that “I poured my heart, my soul, my body and my money and every other thing you could think of” into the relationship. I thought I had found my soul-mate. We did practically everything together. She was so perfect. She could look into my eyes and tell me what I was thinking. We had planned the perfect wedding and honeymoon scenarios countless times complete with all her favourite colours and none of mine. She lived at Satellite Town, while I lived at Isolo, but we endeavoured to see each other frequently even during the holidays. I was head over heels in love. As far as I was concerned , God had shone his perfect loving kindness on us or so I thought.
   I had an extra year in school because of her, so we ended up graduating together. University days were over and we were still going on strong. I was posted to Benue state  for my NYSC while she was posted to Lagos. I made sure I came back to Lagos every month to see her throughout service year.  NYSC was over, couple of months later, I got a job and we started putting things in place for our imminent wedding. She also got a job in a Bank, but decided to quit in order to start her own business. I was very supportive of her dreams so I took it upon myself to help her raise money. I was able to raise a total of  N600,000 to kick off the business out of which N400,000 came from my personal funds. What was I to lose? I was going to marry her anyway. It was a Fashion/Ushering/Modelling business which was doing fairly well.
   We had the picture perfect relationship for three years; no issues, no quarrels, everything was going according to plan. On her twenty-fifth birthday, we had just finished watching a movie at  Silverbird Galleria around 10pm and we were supposed to be heading home, then she said she had a surprise for me, that we should stay at a hotel for the night. Ok. I was curious, but I wasn’t surprised because this wasn’t the first time we were going to sleep over at a hotel. I like to change my scenery from time to time, it helps me think. To cut the long story short, we landed in a hotel, I was about to sleep when she blurted the news that she wanted us to have sex. I reminded her about our decision to leave it off until we were married, but she insisted that she didn’t want to remain a virgin after her twenty-fifth birthday. I was scared, simply because I didn’t have an idea what to do. At this point, I wished I had paid more attention to porn. So we started with the little you know, kissing, cuddling and heavy petting. Then we tried to have sex, but largely due to my inexperience , everything seemed difficult. After several attempts, we finally gave up and agreed that maybe God didn’t want us to have it yet.
   Several months passed and we were already discussing picking dates for our introduction. Now, we had learnt more about sex, so we won’t have a repeat of what happened previously, on our wedding night. It was something we would always laugh about whenever we talked about it. Then suddenly, the bad symptoms started.
  She suddenly became very busy. She would hardly return my calls, She would travel for days without telling me. Then she finally just seemingly disappeared. I didn’t see her at all for weeks, Her phones were not going through and  I was scared to my marrow. I thought maybe something had happened to her. I went to her place and all her things were still there.
  I was fast losing it; I was visiting her place every day and asking everyone that knew her. Then after a few weeks of searching desperately for my heartthrob, I got a text message from her which just said… “I’m gone – T.O”. What does this mean? I kept trying to wrap my head around the incredibly overwhelming phrase till a friend of hers finally opened up and told  me she had relocated to Ibadan. "Iba….what?? When? How? What for "?      
    My mind was racing, my head was aching, I couldn’t take it all in. It went from bad to worse when she showed me a devastating picture on Facebook. It was a wedding and the bride was Jane. Jane was already married? I was shivering. How did all this happen? How can this happen? When did all this happen? Where was I? I didn’t even have a clue. Can Jane be so cruel? I wasn’t myself for several weeks; I would look at her wedding pictures and just cry and cry. I couldn’t even cope at work, so I had to quit.
    My heart was broken in a gazillion pieces. I went down the reckless lane and became involved in several deeds less than noble. My life was shattered and it took a whole lot to get me back on my feet and get another job.  I have since buried myself in a pile of work, books, blogs and charity/community volunteering. I’ve also gotten involved in a lot church activities, joined the choir, cleaning group, and IT department. More active in my church duties, so much I was made one of the Youth-Leaders for the youth arm of my church.
   I used to be an extroverted socialite, now I prefer solitude. Though I take the occasional solo trips here and there from time to time, to unwind, to draw, to sketch, to write, to think and also have fun.
   I have since moved on, but I still hope to meet her one day, I need her to look me in the eye and tell me why??

PS : to share your story on the blog, send a mail to preshienwogu@gmail.com. Someone just needs your experience to get through a difficult situation. Stay Blessed!