Snoring is the new Me!

What do you think about snoring? For many, snoring is not  a topic worthy of spending three minutes of twenty four hours reading about and truthfully, I am among that class
(not bothered about things so inconsequential) .The catch is, snoring is not such a big deal till you are either a victim or married to one ( which technically makes you a victim too) . I have a story to tell.

     In my childish naivety, I  assumed snoring was one flaw particular with men and how I hated to hear my father snore as a child. I hated it so much that I would convince myself every night I heard the old man snore that if my husband dared to snore, I'd stick my middle and fore fingers in his nostrils till he wakes up from his show of utter shame. Very unfortunately, this notion walked with me hand in hand till one morning.
     "Jesus Pre, you almost brought the house down with your loud snores " was what startled me to resurrection. My God, I was mortified. How? When? No not me. After spending many hours in self denial, I had to accept that perfect Precious snored!
      As part of my self denial mechanism, I convinced myself that it was the stress of final year, all I needed was a little relaxation . Then again it could have been that my sister didn't hear well. Besides, my orobo friend spent the night! Phew! Problem solved it's her not me till it happened again.
     This time, I blamed it on the cold. Too much cold I said, some one needs to buy more sweaters for Nsukka o. Then the next time, I blamed my pillow; too flat ,too large, too everything unhealthy. More and more excuses but nothing seemed to work.
     Sad to say that I kept snoring every other night till I decided to do a little research on my palaver and to my chagrin, this was what I discovered.
     Snoring isn't much of an issue till it begins to embarrass us ladies. Picture this : you meet this cute guy, you guys have hung out a couple of times and one day, that whoring spirit motivates you to spend the night. If you are famous for your nightly music then trust me, you would be the first to recall the verses of the Bible that frowns on fornication and all it's associates. Believe me soul sister, I'm embarrassed for you and myself of course because this exact scenario has replayed in my head a thousand times. Although it's advantages are numerous ( so many wolves in trousers mehn! ), I wonder how I will explain to papa Zeus that our honey moon can't be all night long! My brethen, what then is the cause of this evil from hades?
     Well, well, our villain occurs when you, ok we , make snorting or rattling noise(s) when you, sorry, we  breathe during sleep.  The noise comes from the vibration of the soft palate and some tissues in the mouth, nose or throat.
     Ehen so... that's it o. I'm sure you think I have more knowledge to dish out, lol! I am very sorry but if u need more, Google can help you. I do know that lying on my face helps a little but I'm a bad sleeper which means I turn at random. Moral of the story, don't just read everything you see, try and invent what works for you. Thanks sweeties! Sorry for not posting yesterday, blame it on Nepa.