Musing...

Hello guys, without wasting any more time, yours sincerely has decided to get on with the business of the ehrmmm...moment. So here is the article I wrote a few weeks ago. Enjoy!

 Let me start by saying I've been reading a lot lately. At first not for gathering knowledge but entirely to fill up wasted time. The first book I came across was An Enemy Called Average by John Mason,a book I received as an award in 2011 for my not so exemplary efforts in JAMB lesson(modesty is everything I hear).
  These kinds of books are usually not my thing ( If it's not romance, suspense  then I'm just reading to pass my exams). Very fortunately for me ,the moment I settled in to actually read the book (I'm still reading), I realised some basic truths that I need to pull through this very trying moment of my life.
 One of the things I've read is to define one's self as whoever you define yourself to be is who you truly are. These things are difficult for me because I'm the kind that's focused on one thing at a time. I think of this, I attempt to be it but it's just one direction so far. I have never really thought of defining myself so I guess I should try now.
Let's leave the physical as I'm not much of the vain kind. I like to think I'm this very emotional nut case on the inside. I want the same things as every other single human but does that not put  me amongst the band wagon ? I  desperately need to get out of that band .
   So tick in emotional, I want to be loved, cared for, told sweet nonsense. On the exterior, I'm a pretender. I act all intimidating, hard and all of those . Let's blame that on growing up too fast and taking my bulls by their horns.
  I'm not stubborn like everybody believes me to be. I'm one of the easiest persons on earth as long as you clean when it's your turn, don't make me do all the chores,don't make me feel stupid, don't insult me,don't undermine my ability to think for myself and don't play smart with me. Lol! I hope you get the point . Add don't tell me lies and if you must, have the decency to be creative, engage me.
 The next thing is, am I satisfied with my definition? Not completely to be sincere. So I guess I need a little adjustment here and there. Like think less of myself and more of others. Take away my scale of appraisal for each soul I encounter and actually let the souls exhale around me. This and many more I am yet to identify.
  From the book, I learnt to not just dream but do. In my words not just plan but act. At this

point in my life I feel helpless. Almost all young people have gotten to this phase in their lives; fresh from school, no savings, no money and zero hopes for a job. The difference with me is I have little or no options or plan Bs. Either a job or a job. The catch is there are very few jobs and these jobs require astronomical years of experience.
  Being the emotional crack that I am, I expect that everyone should care about my problems but I also recently learnt from the book (and believe me, I never expected the test to be this quick) that I am the greatest enemy and friend of myself so it's either me, me or me.
  The book taught me something else which I'm just going to apply now. It says first "look inwards " and again "when the mind is in doubt, it is easily swayed by slight impulses,opening the door to many wrongs". My mind is most definitely in doubt. This is why I'm being swayed by the slightest of in my case insecurities .
So far, I have a hundred and fifty-four pages to conquer but for now I'm just going to pick myself up from this self pity, and be who I want to be. I won't stop here, I won't accept being amongst the jobless youths, I'd surprise you all in my next post . For the first time, I can see my future clearly .